All That is Good for Man

In the early 1800's, after a serious illness, the Rev. Richard Cecil (1748-1810) spoke of a clarified vision for his reading pursuits. His advice, while especially useful to those in ministry, is a noble reminder to me of how I ought to value my soul and my Savior more entirely in the books and media I choose.

"If God should restore me to health again, I am resolved to study nothing but my Bible. Literature is inimical to spirituality if it be not kept under with a firm hand. A man ought to call in from every quarter what may assist him to understand, explain and illustrate the Bible, but there - in its light and life - is all that is good for man.  All important truth is there; and I feel that no comfort enters sick curtains from any other quarter.  My state is an admonition to young men. I have been too much occupied in preparing to live and too little in living.  I have read too much from curiosity and for mental gratification.  I was literary when I should have been active.  We trifle too much. Let us do something for God. The man of god is a man of feeling and activity. I feel, and would urge with all possible strength on others that Jesus is our all in all. " 

From The Later Evangelical Fathers by Mary Seeley on books.google.com

Such was thy charity...

I would that in the end, the words William Cowper wrote of a kind friend could be said of me.

"And though in act unwearied, secret still,

As in some solitude the summer rill

Refreshes, where it winds, the faded green,

And cheers the drooping flow'rs, unheard, unseen.

Such was thy charity; no sudden start

After long sleep, of passion in the heart,

But steadfast principle, and in its kind, 

Of close relation to the eternal Mind

Traced easily to its true source above,

To Him whose work bespeaks His nature, love."

Smiles

Reading from Mary Beeke's book "Kindness" today, I was struck by the beauty of this ideal for our relationships with loved ones:

"I read of a man's description of his mother, and one thing that stood out in his memory was that, every time his mother looked at him, she 'brightened.' Let's make a more conscious effort to smile.  It should be simple. A smile chases away the shadows in the heart of both the giver and the receiver...Let's not let the drudgery of everyday life overshadow the abundance of blessings we enjoy."

the boy I love...

...the man I love

I pray for you "that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." ~ Ephesians 3:14-19 ESV


I love you.

The Pain that Love Will Choose

In the rush of changed plans than have come to Caleb and me, I've thought through what our decision to marry in March before his year of deployment will mean. We may have less than two weeks together, and both know that the separation will probably be harder because of being married, yet don't want it any other way.  Tennyson's well-known line of poetry has been coming to mind:


"I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all."

 A year's absence is not a complete "lost" (though I can't imagine any woman has watched her boy leave her side for a war zone and not had the "What if..." thought cross her mind) but it is a loss nonetheless - it is the loss of a year together, a loss of sharing that year's sweet spring, that year's long-dayed summer, that year's crisp autumn, a loss of 365 suppertimes, read alouds on the couch and washing dishes elbow to elbow, a loss of 260 "Welcome home" hugs and kisses after a day's work. And the pain of all that loss could be lessened by staying outside the love - by not weaving our lives into another's so we cannot be hurt by a separation.  But this is not why God gave us hearts - to be only kept safe.  Our hearts were given to reflect God's heart and to fellowship with Him. When I open my heart to love another human being - not in an idolatrous way, but in a devoted and sacrificial way - that love, desire for their welfare and delight in their presence, that connection of my good with theirs - opens a million avenues for joy and pain that I cannot have apart from love. And in each of those avenues, Jesus wants to walk with me and show me more of His heart.  He wants to reveal His incredible grace in love's joys and His tender mercy in love's pain. It is because I want to experience that tenderness of the Lord that I would choose the pains of love rather than the ease of not caring. I want to love, lose, mourn and be comforted in His presence - rather than to withdraw to myself and keep my own comfort. I want to see Him do through me what I cannot do on my own.

After Caleb's first deployment, when I started to know and care for him more, I thought how glad I was that I hadn't known him during the former deployment until he came back - because of how much harder it would have been to care. As it was, I passed many weeks and months without a thought or concern about his welfare while he was gone. I had not loved him - or even known him. And when I said those words later, after I thought I loved him, I did not love him still - I loved myself, and was only glad to spare myself the pain. Now I can say that (though I do not wish to change anything about God's perfect plan for our lives) I would gladly have gone through that deployment too,  knowing and caring about him, giving to God a hundred times my anguish for his safety, writing to him and encouraging him, and allowing him to bear the burden of my own concerns. Why? I love him. I want our lives woven together, even if the strands of my life must now touch strands of his life that hurt, and his mine - and he has loved me in the same way.

Yes, I'm also idealistic and proud and want to be a hero (can I deny it? I'm just stinkin' proud of my soldier and being his support as he goes out to serve) but I write here what I want to be most of all true about the life of love I am entering into with a man who will not always be here.  And I think this vision of experiencing God through sacrifice should be true of other loving relationships besides marriage that exist for God's glory.

"No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

"

(1 John 4:12 ESV)

All Things Well

"All the way my Savior leads me, what have I to ask beside?

Can I doubt His tender mercy, who through life has been my guide?

Heavenly peace, divinest comfort, here by faith in Him to dwell

For I know whate'er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well

For I know whate'er befall me, Jesus doeth all things well."

The rocking chair and company in the nursery where I was working were comfortable. Three-year old Lydia snuggled in my lap, clasping her baby doll Charlotte and I chatted with Megan about my May wedding plans in between spurts of amending toddler situations. The phone in my pocket rang, and I smiled, happy to be getting a call from Caleb
"Hello!"
The words that followed his greeting dissolved a smile"....Captain Mosely called and said I have orders cut for deployment with the 319th, probably in March. I wanted to tell you before I told anyone else."
I felt pale, "Can you say that again?" Tears began to fall. He explained further, we would talk more later.
"...God is in control."
"Yes...He is."
"I love you."
I choked out an "I love you" in return, and that was that.

Megan's sympathy was a balm, as was Lydia, still sitting on my lap, ignorant of why my face was so wet. The wedding plans for May that had been dancing in my head stopped and stood still, looking at me as if to say, 'Why did the music stop?'. My only answer was, that they would just have to lie down and take a long nap for now. God had decided that he wanted it more quiet. Maybe He wanted to talk to me.

Walking outside later, I thought of these words,

"Savior, like a shepherd, lead us
Much we need Thy tender care
In Thy pleasant pastures feed us
For our use Thy folds prepare.
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus
Thou hast bought us, Thine we are
Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus
Thou hast bought us Thine we are."

I can think of nothing that I want more than to be shepherded by Jesus Christ's good hand in the security of being His.

To Him I may commit every grief over the disappointment of delaying our dreams.
To Him I will submit as the Ruler of kings, in whose hand lies every decision affecting our lives - decisions that seems to rest in the power of our nation's leaders, but are an illusion beneath His sovereign right.
To Him I can turn to satisfy and comfort my heart - for He is its Maker and Redeemer.
To Him I entrust my anxieties for the life of the man I love, when he must go into the midst of a people who do not love his life, for the Lord has counted his every hour and will not let even one be stolen from the span He has allotted.
To Him I credit all the blessings I have and all the love that flows to me in the severity of discipline intended to train me for holiness.

I love our Jesus, love to know that He is working all things for our good, and that His loving friendship is with us forever. We never will have to bid Him farewell, but only anticipate a morning when we will see Him face to face.

"Commit whatever grieves Thee into the gracious hands

Of Him who never leaves Thee

Whom earth and heav'n commands

Who points the clouds their courses

Whom winds and waves obey

He will direct Thy footsteps and find for Thee a way."

Am I making the sudden halt to wedding plans, a military deployment, disappointed lovers - all a matter bigger than it is? Perhaps. It happens to a lot of people. Life goes on when you're done crying over the  uniformed back disappearing behind the airport check-in. And God has work for us to do wherever He places us. But I would not miss an opportunity to give Jesus glory when He gives me tears.  I love to proclaim, "Yes, this hurts and I believe that our loving God planned it knowing that it would hurt - and I know that in it all He is good and I do not question His love." When He gives me an opportunity to declare Him true to His Word, true to His love and to me, even by means of sorrow and pain, I can only love Him all the more for it. It is a chance for us to see His glory, and is not His glory our highest joy?

If you have read this, pray that the Lord would keep this confidence in us to the end.

Little Devils in the Gardens

Photo Credit

While walking outside today, I passed a small garden in which was displayed a garden angel - that is a rather provocatively dressed, winged young female, molded of cement looking over the frost-withered plants with a demure innocence. I use the word 'angel' because that is what I knew its designer would call it, and what came to my mind when I saw it. But as I continued walking I thought again of how different such angels are from the angel that are. I also considered that the common images which much of western culture would identify as 'angels' and 'devils' are in some respects representative of their opposites.

Think of the typical image of an angel - white clad, smiling female - usually looking ecstatic or mysterious, satisfied and rather huggable. Now think of the typical image of a devil - fierce, fiery, armed - ready to stab you, and rather horrible. These images, though based on shreds of truth, are far from accurate. Granted, angels are white and beautifully bright, but they are also referred to as flames of fire (Heb. 1:7) and are sometimes armed and rather fiercesome (Numbers 22:23). In Scripture, whenever a human being saw an angel, terror usually ensued.  On the other hand, the devil often manifests himself to people in ways that are alluring, winsome and promising pleasure (Gen. 3). In Scripture, when a human being had an encounter with Satan or a devil, they were not usually frightened, but often drawn to listen to the one who "disguises himself as an angel of light" (2 Cor. 11:14). So that cement molded image of a provocatively dressed, winged young female might be just as aptly named a "garden devil" as a "garden angel".  Besides being more petrifying than provocative, and more awesome than alluring, angels are also messengers. They don't hang around pretty places looking sweet - they are like the most of earnest of hound dogs, looking upon the face of God with keen eyes waiting for orders (Matt. 18:10), and zealously prompt and accurate in fulfilling them (Matt. 28:7, Luke 1:19). The devil is the one who hangs out in gardens (Gen. 3, Job 1:7)

All that to say, these realities made me realize how the inventions of man's hands, set before our eyes, despite their artistic beauty or material quality, also have subtle power to deceive our minds about the truth of how things are. It is not only pictures of little angels and devils, but images that the world begs to set before me on every side, that can glaze my perception of the truth. It happens without my knowing it, unless I have a treasury, a cleanser, an armory which will set me right after my vision has unknowingly blurred by walking through a day in the world with open eyes. "Sanctify them, by the truth. Your word is truth." Jesus prayed for His people (John 17:17).  So, again, all that to say (funny how it all comes back to this), I need to keep reading my Bible - but not only reading, setting it up against all that enters my eyes and heart and fortifying a weak heart with its truth.